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After everything that鈥檚 happened in 2020, setting goals seems like a big ask. Resolutions inherently mean discomfort and require resolve, and most of us have had enough of the former and don鈥檛 have much left of the latter. The response to the annual tradition might involve a collective groan, eye roll, and require a censor.

The question is, is it okay to take this year off?

鈥淚t鈥檚 always okay,鈥� says , clinical psychologist and lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

Why do we make resolutions?

Resolutions have their use in pushing us out of our comfort zones, but they aren鈥檛 required. Some people stick to them and benefit, but others have a different relationship with resolutions: they make them without any intention of keeping them, and repeat this cycle year after year.

Khazan says that the result can be almost like doing less than nothing. 鈥淚t provokes shame and guilt,鈥� she says. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e not only not benefiting yourself, but you鈥檙e also kind of harming yourself.鈥�

There鈥檚 no need for that. Resolutions should be based on two things: what you want to do and what you can do. You need to look at yourself, your schedule, your resources, and assess how full your plate is, and as Khazan says, for many people in 2020, 鈥渢he plate is full.鈥�

Not only that, but a person鈥檚 life could already include personal and professional loss, adds , director of the Spirituality and Mental Health Program at McLean Hospital and assistant professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School. Resolutions just don鈥檛 rank on the priority list.

But Rosmarin says that before completely dismissing the idea, think about just some of the challenges that have happened: Kobe Bryant dying in January, then COVID-19, school from home, racial unrest and protests, wildfires, 鈥渕urder hornets,鈥� the election. It鈥檚 been a full year. 鈥淐onsider how resilient we鈥檝e been,鈥� he says. It can shift your mindset and make taking on a resolution not such a weighty thing.

Or your conclusion still might be, 鈥淣ope, I got nothing.鈥�

鈥淭hat鈥檚 totally valid. It鈥檚 not healthy to push yourself too hard, and you can take it off,鈥� he says.

But to do that also means not feeling guilty over what you should be doing. It鈥檚 one of the eternal traps, since we hold ourselves to impossible standards and are our own worst critics, Khazan and Rosmarin both say. One solution that they offer is to imagine a friend laying out the same scenario: feeling drained, needing a break, not wanting another to-do item at this moment.

When hearing those words, your reaction would probably be compassion and something like, 鈥淥f course, take a pass. You deserve it.鈥� Then, try saying that to yourself. And repeat it if necessary.

A different take

But Rosmarin says that while resolutions aren鈥檛 mandatory, the answer might not be in skipping them altogether, but in just making a tweak. One is to defer doing anything until the spring. 鈥淕ive yourself a season to recover,鈥� he says.

There鈥檚 also taking a new perspective. The point of any resolution is to better your life in some way, so here鈥檚 one: just be kinder to yourself. If you鈥檝e been able to let go of the guilt or shame over foregoing resolutions for the year, guess what? You鈥檝e already succeeded. It鈥檚 the non-resolution resolution, Khazan says.

But Rosmarin suggests a couple more ideas. Take vacation time, or just an occasional afternoon off, to restore your energy and allow other things into your head rather than worry. Write down one accomplishment a day to see more positives than negatives, or just enjoy one piece of food a day for the joy of it.

These 鈥渞esolutions鈥� have upsides. They don鈥檛 take much time. They don鈥檛 require equipment or a membership. They can always be done, regardless of shutdowns or restrictions. And 鈥測ou鈥檙e creating a better relationship with yourself, which helps us to relate to others and the world,鈥� Rosmarin says.

And he has one more. When someone gives you a compliment or a gift, say 鈥渢hank you,鈥� and that鈥檚 all. You don鈥檛 say 鈥渟top it鈥� or 鈥測ou shouldn鈥檛 have,鈥� the natural inclination, which fails to acknowledge ourselves and dismisses what the other person just shared. 鈥淪aying 鈥榯hank you鈥� means accepting that maybe, just maybe, you鈥檙e worthy of attention and value,鈥� he says. 鈥淎lso, it creates more connection. What鈥檚 wrong with that?鈥�